Trip of Cherry Picking

I had planned to go for cherry picking on the past Sunday almost a week ago. The cherry season here is in the month of July, so I really hoped for a good weather. If I missed this weekend, it will probably be next year when I have another chance again.

When I woke up on Sunday morning, it was dark as night outside. Too bad, it was a rainy day, and the dark clouds extended to the end of the sky, as far as I could see. Not a single patch of thinner cloud that could let in some sun. It was so disappointing!!! Our friends had dropped out of the trip because of the rain. Our determination was definitely shaken too at this point.

After breakfast, husband and I sat there and tried to think of something alternative to do for the day: maybe go to a movie, or cook Indian food to kill time? Nothing suits the mood. Then finally, our desire for cherries had pushed us to go to the cherry farm anyways ... let's take a chance!

The drive was more than one hour from North York to Beamsville. I was constantly looking around at the clouds and trying to examine the condition and predict what the weather would be like ahead. I had never paid this much attention to the weather before, at least not in the recent years when I was trapped in office buildings throughout the days.

The endless dark clouds were actually not as far as it seemed. We drove out of it within 20 minutes. Then I could see some light clouds coming up -- I was completely thrilled inside -- yay, it's gonna be good weather on the farm! But wait, I was too happy too early. Only another 10 minutes gone by, we had driven out of the good weather already, and there is endless darkness ahead of us. Soon after, it became shower, then it was pouring. I heard the rain banging on the car and the road was completely white. I shouted at my husband: "Can we still pick cherries in this weather? Have you regretted about coming out?" We had driven more than half way out, it was too late to turn around, so we kept on going. I checked the time over and over, we were only 20 minutes away from the farm now, the rain better stop. As I was thinking, it really became smaller and smaller, we could see some lights at the end of the highway again. When we were finally out of the rain, there were some beautiful fog welcoming us. We went through the fog again and left it behind us.

I thought it was a perfect journey for a natural science class. And it sort of felt like driving through time as well, experiencing all the different weathers in mere an hour of time. Summer weather is this interesting!

During the entire two and half hours while we were picking cherries on the farm, the weather was cloudy, but it treated us kindly without much rain. We had a lot of fun and brought home 17 pounds of cherries!

I am really grad that we took the chance to come out for the trip. For future reference, this is the place we went.

The fridge is filled up with the dark and sweet cherries now! Time for me to eat some cherries.

-Yang

Fears

Lately I am really afraid of death. The feelings of fear occur to me so often that it alone scares me. So I decided to categorize my fears and here they are of 3 types:

1) afraid of driving. I actually feel safe driving on city roads and under 110 on highways. If hubby drives 130 on highway, or if there is snow, then I get nervous. And the thing that I am most afraid of when driving are the big trucks on highway. I always follow them so far behind so that I have time to react if they flip over; or if I really have to pass them, I would have to build up my courage and cross my figures (of course in my mind only, I would not cross my figures physically when passing a big truck on a highway). Obviously hubby is not afraid of any of these things -- he would still drive normally (fast) on a highway, in the snow and beside a big truck. I would hold the handle really tight and feel a huge triumph after we have survived.

2) afraid of being shot. My hubby thinks this is nonsense. Maybe I have heard too many incidents of murder, gun shot, youth crime in Toronto on the radio recently. I know it's crazy. But when a stranger walks up to me in a hallway, parking lot or on the street, sometimes I suspect maybe he has a gun and I am in his way to finish his business. I am pretty sure all those innocent people who were being shot didn't know it coming either.

3) afraid of my husband dying of heart-attack. When I get so frustrated with my hubby's bad eating habit, I will have these imaginations of my hubby dying in his 50's of heart-attack. Then I get so sad I would cry for a while by myself. I feel unfair that I am only newly married and it's too early for me to be worried about my husband's health. Other than forcing him to eat fruits and vegetables and tofu, I can only be upset at his mom for not even teaching him -- simple as that -- what is good to eat. I find myself eating cake off his plate (I don't even like sweets) just so that he can eat less -- maybe I can take a couple years off my life and give it to him. At the end, what am I going to do with 50 years of my life alone when I live until a 100? It's a very selfish thing that I am doing. Because now I understand why people say that, the lucky one dies first.

* * *

Remember just 5 - 6 years ago, I was never afraid of anything. I lived in this new country alone, so excited about all the adventures and rarely thought of consequences. I would totally take risk, get drunk and enjoy the moment in any way that someone dares me to.

Today everything has changed. It's the fact that now I have a husband who I love very much and the responsibilities I have to take care of the family (us and our relatives) and the fact that now I own things (my gold and pearl jeweleries, RRSPs and our home) and the prospects of having children ... all of a sudden makes the future so hopeful and so much to live for; and health, safety and routine became so important to me that I would never have imagined. And only now that I feel deeper than ever that life is so precious but fragile, any unexpected things could happen to take away what I have and will have in the future.

I also remember a long long time ago I read in a magazine about the 3 things that define happiness:

• someone you can love
• something you enjoy doing
• hope for the future
  

Now I have all of them. I also have a by-product of happiness, that is the fear of losing it.

-Yang