Fears

Lately I am really afraid of death. The feelings of fear occur to me so often that it alone scares me. So I decided to categorize my fears and here they are of 3 types:

1) afraid of driving. I actually feel safe driving on city roads and under 110 on highways. If hubby drives 130 on highway, or if there is snow, then I get nervous. And the thing that I am most afraid of when driving are the big trucks on highway. I always follow them so far behind so that I have time to react if they flip over; or if I really have to pass them, I would have to build up my courage and cross my figures (of course in my mind only, I would not cross my figures physically when passing a big truck on a highway). Obviously hubby is not afraid of any of these things -- he would still drive normally (fast) on a highway, in the snow and beside a big truck. I would hold the handle really tight and feel a huge triumph after we have survived.

2) afraid of being shot. My hubby thinks this is nonsense. Maybe I have heard too many incidents of murder, gun shot, youth crime in Toronto on the radio recently. I know it's crazy. But when a stranger walks up to me in a hallway, parking lot or on the street, sometimes I suspect maybe he has a gun and I am in his way to finish his business. I am pretty sure all those innocent people who were being shot didn't know it coming either.

3) afraid of my husband dying of heart-attack. When I get so frustrated with my hubby's bad eating habit, I will have these imaginations of my hubby dying in his 50's of heart-attack. Then I get so sad I would cry for a while by myself. I feel unfair that I am only newly married and it's too early for me to be worried about my husband's health. Other than forcing him to eat fruits and vegetables and tofu, I can only be upset at his mom for not even teaching him -- simple as that -- what is good to eat. I find myself eating cake off his plate (I don't even like sweets) just so that he can eat less -- maybe I can take a couple years off my life and give it to him. At the end, what am I going to do with 50 years of my life alone when I live until a 100? It's a very selfish thing that I am doing. Because now I understand why people say that, the lucky one dies first.

* * *

Remember just 5 - 6 years ago, I was never afraid of anything. I lived in this new country alone, so excited about all the adventures and rarely thought of consequences. I would totally take risk, get drunk and enjoy the moment in any way that someone dares me to.

Today everything has changed. It's the fact that now I have a husband who I love very much and the responsibilities I have to take care of the family (us and our relatives) and the fact that now I own things (my gold and pearl jeweleries, RRSPs and our home) and the prospects of having children ... all of a sudden makes the future so hopeful and so much to live for; and health, safety and routine became so important to me that I would never have imagined. And only now that I feel deeper than ever that life is so precious but fragile, any unexpected things could happen to take away what I have and will have in the future.

I also remember a long long time ago I read in a magazine about the 3 things that define happiness:

• someone you can love
• something you enjoy doing
• hope for the future
  

Now I have all of them. I also have a by-product of happiness, that is the fear of losing it.

-Yang

Here is the reason ....

Haven't been here for a long time ... sometimes I feel it's actually hard to write a post on a blog.

Who is reading this? I don't know ... now this is the tricky part. What if no one reads it? Then it's kind of a waste of efforts, isn't it? But that's not the worst yet, at least if really no one is reading it, I can post whatever I do, I think, I feel here.

There are definitely worse scenarios:

What if my boss reads it? Perhaps I bitched about my work here one day, and wanted to quit; or had a crush on one of my clients, (of course, hypothetically speaking!!!) wouldn't that be so awkward?

What if my family reads it? I don't want them to know that sometimes I get sad too and feel difficult about life. I am sure they will be so worried across the ocean knowing that they can't do anything to help. Maybe I just "tough it out" and not ever mention it.

What if my enemy reads it? I am telling my stories here to my dear friends who are far away. But somebody may get to know a little too much about my life than I would like to tell them.

I am confused ... I don't want to strip naked in front of the public, besides I don't know who is in the crowd.

So here is what I learned today:

Yam and Sweet Potato are used interchangeably in North America, but they are two different things. The kind of produce labelled as "Yam" in the grocery store are often sweet potatoes. For example, I cooked "Yam" for my hubby yesterday, but they were actually sweet potatoes. For a better explanation, here is a picture of sweet potato -- the type I cooked last night.

-yang

Healthy eating starts with brown rice

About 2 weeks ago, doctor told my husband that he has high cholesterol and he needs to pay attention to what he eats everyday.

Of course, it sounds bad -- for someone who is only 30 year old to have high cholesterol? It must be hard to live until 50 if this trend continues ... But I think this is kind of a good news too, because we are all changing for a healthier lifestyle.

I always believe that my husband used to eat crap. Really there is not much he can do about it, except for to really learn some cooking skills. The most gourmet meal he could put together during his university years was called "Hot Rajib Special", which is toasted bread with peanut butter and Jelly. Because of that, he developed a taste for Hamburgers, KFC, Pizza and French Fries.

Now his bad days are over. But no matter how much I told him not to each those junk food, of course he always got his way a few times a week, and even got me to eat KFC and Pizza more than I would like to.

Until he was told about his new condition ....

Now he has cut down on hot chocolate, pops, sweets, cheese, fries ....

Recently I have been reading a lot on the Internet about nutrition and health-promoting foods. Here is a good site I found that lists 130 healthiest foods can be used as the base for everyday cooking: http://www.whfoods.com/

2 days ago, I bought a bag of brown rice. I decided that I will improve our eating starting from the one kind of food that plays the biggest part in the meals!!! Of course, we won't stop there, I am really looking forward to make all the changes for a balanced eating!

-yang

Life is so good!

Ok, I am very happy and content with my life everyday, so there is nothing much to write about.

You know, it's like when you are laughing all the time, you don't really remember what you had laughed about due to the lack of oxygen in your head. And then, that helps you not to remember those occasional cries and sadness either...

I promise I will write something of real contents next time.

-Yanger

Let's start a blog...

Hello world!

We've been married for ... 41 days now. We've been talking about starting a blog for some time. It's the start of the Canada Day long weekend right now... so I think now is as a good a time as any!

It's actually a busy weekend for us. Yang actually wants to see a movie on its opening night! This is a first! Lots of errands to run on Saturday. We have a wedding reception to go to on Sunday night in which we are actually helping out. And we're hosting a Settlers party on the Monday.

We also want to get all our wedding pictures and video organized and continue to set up the condo as we want it. Let's see how much of that we get done this weekend...

I think I want this blog to be about us marking the milestones of our life, as well as capturing movie reviews, the latest on the Leafs, and other fun stories. I'm sure it will evolve as life goes on.

That's it for now.
-rajib